Tag Archives: fear

Perfectionism and People Pleasing

I have done a lot of reading in my life, and a lot of learning. Over time, and the mostly over the past year, I have learned a lot about myself and how I have lived.  I will let you know that I have been reading a lot of The FlyLady website, as well.

What I have found out is that I have always been a perfectionist.  I never thought so, since I didn’t stress out over not getting an A in school, or that my hair was parted off center.  But I did want to make sure that what I did, I did well – and usually to either impress someone else (parents, friends, teachers, etc.) or just stay in good graces and under the radar.  I didn’t want to upset anyone and I didn’t like conflict. I still don’t.

I always thought that changing was overwhelming. So then, I did nothing.  I need to change that cycle and follow some of the baby steps that are out there.  I have to believe that taking things slowly is the best way to build habits.  I don’t have to do everything, all at once, immediately.  Slow and steady wins the race.

2015 is beginning to look up.

Today’s list of what I am thankful for/ proud of…

1.  The FlyLady website

2.  Evernote – I love lists and this is helping me remember what I need to do each day

3.  I played around with YouTube and learned a bit about it – but not yet how to create a channel under my account (if (possible).

4.  The love I have for my son – and I cannot wait to see and talk to him soon!

5.  Having a job,even if it is part time, so that I can give more to my family.

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The First Step is a Doozy!

There are lots of things I have not done in my life.  I know this.  I can find an excuse to not do just about anything.  I never called them ‘excuses.’  I called them ‘reasons.’  Well, there is a fine line between the two.  I haven’t yet found that balance, but today was the first day I said I was going to do something and did it.  I shouldn’t say it like that.  It was the first time in a very loooong time.

I have been a fan of Dave Ramsey for quite some time.  I may have mentioned that in the past.  While listening to him, I was introduced to an author named Jon Acuff.  Jon writes a blog, has written a couple of books, and has become a speaker – all of which pertain to doing what you love.  That doesn’t really doesn’t cover everything he writes about, but more or less sums it up.

Anyway, he wrote a book called Start: Punch Fear in the Face.  I read a bit of it, but didn’t really go ‘all in.’  I put it down (which is strange to say, since it was a Kindle version that I could read at any time on my phone or computer) and didn’t pick it up again for quite some time.

When I finally picked it up again, I took a more open minded approach and tried to understand just how I could apply what was in the book to my situation.  It didn’t really click.  I wasn’t seeing specifics.  Nothing to tell me exactly what I needed to do to ‘punch fear in the face.’  I read what I could and figured that I was done.  There was nothing further to read, and I still didn’t know what to do.

From there, I just kind of let it go.  Until I heard that Mr. Acuff was going to do something called the Start Experiment.  I didn’t know what it was, but I thought I would check it out.  I lurked on the Facebook page and got some emails that didn’t really say much, but were good enough to read.  Again, I wasn’t getting much direction, but there were now some guidelines.  I liked that.

Recently, I started looking at the emails again and it’s making more sense.  So, I took a step today that punched fear in the face.

I went to an AA meeting.

It doesn’t sound all that impressive, and it’s really not a huge thing when seen in writing.  6 little words.  Really little words.  But for me, it was one of the most daunting things I have ever had the displeasure of fearing.  Why did I fear it?  Right now, I have no idea, however, before I stepped into the room – I had some crazy visions of what the meeting would be like.

I pictured a dark, dank and dingy hall – concrete walls, painted grey or beige, old men and women mainlining coffee, chain smoking and coughing.  I am thankful that it was NOTHING like that.  It was a warm, inviting room.  Bright, almost cheery.  (I say almost because it was raining.)  It was a women’s only meeting, which made me feel less embarrassed, and more welcomed.  There were all age ranges and types.  It was comforting.  I felt less isolated than I have felt in some time.  I didn’t have to say anything about myself if I didn’t want to.  (I’m shy, so I liked this.  Maybe tomorrow.)  I heard stories from others that I related to, that could have been from my own life.  I met people who have been in my shoes.  They all started somewhere, right?

In all, it was the hardest, and possibly best, decision I have made in some time.  It feels good to punch fear in the face.  Here’s hoping that there are more punches to be thrown!

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