Author Archives: It's just Me

Baby Crazy

It feels like I have been around babies all week long. Is not necessarily a bad thing, as I miss my son terribly. He is in Florida with his father. Thank goodness for Skype!

This past weekend, I attended my niece’s baptism. It was a very nice service in a local Lutheran Church. I had never been to a Lutheran service, so I did not know what to expect. Turns out, it’s not too much different from a Catholic Mass.

After the service, I helped to set up the banquet hall for the reception / luncheon. I got to see lots of cousins that I hadn’t seen in years, some of whom I had not yet even met! It was a great time.  Unfortunately, I had to leave early because I had to work that night. Bah!

Then, this morning a friend of mine from high school needed a last minute babysitter. I, of course, jumped at the chance! She has a little boy and I wanted to be of help. So, I got to hang out with her son for a couple of hours which tired me out! He got fussy after he ate and I didn’t know how to calm him down.  We played with dolls, we walked around, we read books. Not much luck.   However as soon as I gave him a bottle, his second he was fine. I was almost sad to leave once his mom came home.

I got home and passed out! I was that tired. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to sleep for more than 4 hours so tonight, work is going to be a lot slower than normal. I can already feel the tiredness creeping in behind my eyes.

Wish me luck!

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Happy November!

So, it’s yet another NaBloPoMo and NaNoWriMo and I’m going to try it again. I am just under the gun, but for good reasons. At least, in my opinion.

I worked from 10 pm to 6 am, with the extra DST hour included. Luckilly, it wasn’t crazy. I had expected more due to Halloween parties and whatnot.

From work, I went home and prepared for my niece’s baptism. It was a nice, Lutheran service, but I had to leave early to help set up the reception thing afterwards.

I did get to see some family members, and meet some new ones. I didn’t really want to leave,  but by this time, I had been awake for way too long. I finally got home, tried to wind down, and fell into a deep sleep. Ahhh…

My alarm went off far too soon. (That is a strange saying… )

So, now I’m back at work. Ugh…  It’s a horrible cycle.

However, I got my post up, and for that, I am thankful.

Brady Wins! #PatsNation

CNyb3uhUYAAgiBoOf course, there will always be haters, and this will be on ESPN for days, but I am taking a moment to be really happy for Tom Brady and the Patriots and the chances of doing well this coming season.  I wasn’t worried with Garappolo (sorry if I butchered that), because he’s a great QB, but he is no Brady – yet.  =)

GO NEW ENGLAND!

Perfectionism and People Pleasing

I have done a lot of reading in my life, and a lot of learning. Over time, and the mostly over the past year, I have learned a lot about myself and how I have lived.  I will let you know that I have been reading a lot of The FlyLady website, as well.

What I have found out is that I have always been a perfectionist.  I never thought so, since I didn’t stress out over not getting an A in school, or that my hair was parted off center.  But I did want to make sure that what I did, I did well – and usually to either impress someone else (parents, friends, teachers, etc.) or just stay in good graces and under the radar.  I didn’t want to upset anyone and I didn’t like conflict. I still don’t.

I always thought that changing was overwhelming. So then, I did nothing.  I need to change that cycle and follow some of the baby steps that are out there.  I have to believe that taking things slowly is the best way to build habits.  I don’t have to do everything, all at once, immediately.  Slow and steady wins the race.

2015 is beginning to look up.

Today’s list of what I am thankful for/ proud of…

1.  The FlyLady website

2.  Evernote – I love lists and this is helping me remember what I need to do each day

3.  I played around with YouTube and learned a bit about it – but not yet how to create a channel under my account (if (possible).

4.  The love I have for my son – and I cannot wait to see and talk to him soon!

5.  Having a job,even if it is part time, so that I can give more to my family.

Tired

I really have nothing to write today, so I am going to make my list and curl up to watch Big Bang Theory. (Don’t judge me!)

1.  I got some books to read to my son via Skype or YouTube

2.  I cleaned a lot of the paperwork that had been accumulating on my table

3.  I was able to go outside – in the sun!  It was blinding, but it was nice to be out!

4.  The Patriots parade is tomorrow in Boston, so I can watch it from the warmth of my bed

That sums it up for now.  More tomorrow!

Happy February

I am still in New England. I don’t get to see my baby boy, and I miss him to no end. My heart won’t let me watch or look at anything with a baby in or on it without tearing up. I feel so guilty being without him, but I also know that I am doing what is best for everyone in the long run. That pulls me in two directions – neither of which is less painful than the other.

So, I am going to try to do this ‘post every day’ thing again. (Yes, I know that it is the 2nd, but better late than never!) I think that it will help to focus my energy on something positive.  I also think that I might post a list about what i am thankful for every day.  To end it on a nice note. Then, when March comes – I will have a huge list that I can look at whenever I feel down. Something I can share with the world! OK. That is taking it a bit far, but you know what I mean.

It is almost 10:30 PM, so I am going to end this post and write my list. Here is hoping for a great February!

1.  New England Patriots won the Super Bowl!!!!

2.  I got to hear my little man call me ‘mommy’

3.  I figured out how to set up my phone and laptop so they can print wirelessly (that has taken forever!)

4.  I did a lot of laundry that had been piling up. Trust me. It may not sound positive, but you didn’t see the overflowing basket!

I Think I’m Going to Go Crazy

I have no idea what is going on in my head.  It is having a terrible fight with my heart, and I dislike it very much.

Am I Nuts?

Am I Nuts?

 

I have a lot going on in my life – most of which revolve around my own bad judgement and stupidity.  I know this.  Unfortunately, I have no idea how to sort out the feelings I have.  What should I forgive myself for?  What do I continue to feel badly about?  Should I feel guilty about not feeling badly about some of it?  My focus right now is to take care of myself, so that I can get back into my son’s life.  He hasn’t been taken from me in any official sense of the word, but he’t not with me and that sucks.  There is no better word for it.  Sucks.  My husband has him in another state.  I left voluntarilly for a few reasons.  My husband and I fight.  A lot.  Mostly verbal, but he gets physical.  I never want my son to see that – for I don’t want him to learn that it is OK to treat a woman badly.  I also left so that my husband could take care of himself for a while.  He obviously has anger issues – some have to do with me, while others are more deeply seated in his life, and I am sick of being the excuse for his anger.

I feel terribly guilty for not being there to spend time with my baby, to play with him, teach him and just be there for him.  But I can’t let myself feel badly about leaving a dangerous situation.  Now, before I get comments about leaving my baby in such a situation – he is quite safe.  My husband may hate me, but our son is extremely important to him.  He would protect him with his life and I have no fear of him being with the baby.  Not in the least.

I just have to take care of myself and my own issues for the time being.  I have to continue to hold back tears when I think of my little guy, not having his mom around.  I have to tell myself that a couple of months is not much in the long run.  I will have the rest of my life to teach him to read, to enjoy things, to learn how to be a good kid.  I mean, he’s already awesome, and he’s not even two!

So, for now, I will do my best to pass the time so that it flies by until I can be with him again.  I am hoping that it goes quickly, as the Holidays are going to be tough.

Thankfully, there’s always Skype, right?